I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
be right there i have to get my cape
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
