My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
