I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
