Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
