She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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