I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
