I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
