i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
