dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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