Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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