her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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