Your dad touched me again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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