my vag is so smooth its legendary
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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