If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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