my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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