my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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