i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
