Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
