was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to calm my uterus...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
