i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
