woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
