I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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