Me. At least after what I've been through.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
