Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
