just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
