woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
