Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
