okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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