I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
