If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize