Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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