I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Green mimosas i think yes
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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