Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
