I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
