you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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