We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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