If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My vagina is officially offended.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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