Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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