as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
