i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
