she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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