Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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