My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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