Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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