it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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