we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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