How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
did i just pee glitter
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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