he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
