I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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Randomize