wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Randomize
