I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I won the penis lottery.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
