Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
