My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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