god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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