fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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