SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
