So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
