So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I touched a dick in church today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
