That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
