you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
