And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
