He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
