I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Enjoy the penises
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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