I CAN MOONWALK!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
