omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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