On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
