My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
