I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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