Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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