What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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