If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
